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This is who I am | Getting to know myself again

counselling talking therapy Nov 25, 2020

Following the recent lockdown, relaxing of lockdown and who knows what of lockdown, I found that on returning to the studio in Hucknall, people really want to talk about their lives and how they have come to be where they are.

PEOPLE WANT TO SPEAK AND TO BE HEARD

It’s inspired me to open my Guest Blogging doors in the series

This is who I am

Allow me to introduce this very powerful and impactful contribution of one woman’s search and discovery for peace within herself.

 


 
buddha with pink bourganvillia.png
 

In 2016, my CBT counsellor said to me that I was experiencing acute anxiety and “I had lost myself”.

 

I had been a Social Worker for 10 years, was a Mum of two children, and was in the middle of burn-out: I was breaking down.


I did not know what I thought, I did not trust myself and my family was falling apart.   Slowly, bit by bit, this has changed and yoga has been at the heart of it….  

 

TO FIND MYSELF....

I practiced things which calmed my nervous system - yoga, meditation, being outside, walking, swimming, singing

I reconnected with the practices of prayer, giving thanks, asking for what I needed, surrendering, trusting myself.

I accessed counselling, first CBT and then working with a deeper, more intuitive-based counsellor

I sought out 1-2-1 yoga therapy where I had a guided weekly practice and then I practised for 15 minutes a day.

I spent time with friends.

I TURNED UP THE IMPORTANCE OF THE VOICES OF THOSE WHO SAID
’I LOVE YOU, DON’T CHANGE’ 
 
Female friends laughing, stronger together
 

I started to do things that made my heart leap.

I turned up the importance of the voices of those who said "I love you, don't change".

I turned down the importance of the voices of those of said "I love you, all you need to do is change these things".

ONCE I BEGAN TO TUNE IN, I STARTED TO ...

notice what I was really feeling

notice what made my heart leap!

notice when my heart ached and gently asked myself why

notice when my heart beat really fast

notice that the sensations in my body felt so loud and strong that I wanted to run away from them or block them

notice when I was reacting to someone else

notice the scripts I had taken on and was living by

notice how people were with me in reality (rather than always associating them with their best selves I knew they could be)

see more clearly when my actions had affected others



ONCE I STARTED TO TUNE IN, I WAS ABLE TO

stay in intense feeling and sensations

think about what I needed to do about it

resist impulses

ONCE I STARTED TO TUNE IN I WAS ABLE TO SIT IN PAINFUL, UNCOMFORTABLE EMOTIONS AND PHYSICAL SENSATIONS LONG ENOUGH FOR THEM TO TRANSFORM

stop taking responsibility for things that I did not cause (other people’s feelings, actions)

sit in painful, uncomfortable emotions and physical sensations long enough for them to transform

take responsibility without defensiveness or needing to shame others when my actions had affected others.

notice when I was doing things that numbed me (eating, facebook scrolling, frozen still)

notice how often all of these things happened

be less reactive to others

 

 

ONCE I STARTED TO LET PAIN STAY LONG ENOUGH FOR IT TO TRANSFORM, I WAS ABLE TO

let go of beliefs about myself

let go of beliefs given to be by churches and institutions about who I was meant to be and how I was meant to live

let go of the need for approval

let go of accepting other people's criticism of me

let go of beliefs about myself and relationships

 

 

ONCE I STARTED TO LET GO, I WAS ABLE TO CHOOSE AGAIN

how to respond

how to prioritise what I needed

when to give and when to say no

wisely how I spent my time and energy

 

WHEN I WAS ABLE TO LET GO AND CHOOSE ... I FOUND MYSELF.

 

Yoga is the path to yourself

 
Caroline Morris, Yoga Teacher, Nottingham
 

~ CAROLINE MORRIS, NOTTINGHAM

 


 

Wow! I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I did. As I mentioned earlier, I found it both impactful, meaningful, and insightful. I really enjoyed the concise way Caroline’s journey has been uncovering, the practical steps she has undertaken, and the lessons she is learning along the way.

Caroline teaches yoga classes in Nottingham with Bahia Yoga and at my studio in Hucknall, I know that she would love for you to get in touch if you’d like to work with her - you can find her here on Facebook

If this contribution has spoken to you or helped you in any way, please do use the space below to offer your thoughts.

Now,

I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU

I would love for you to contribute to my blog so that I and the whole world can learn how wonderful you are. Submissions of guest blogs can be anywhere between 400 and 800 words, but don’t let the numbers worry you. Let me know how you want to be credited as the author of your story; “Lee-ann, Nottingham”, “LC, United Kingdom” etc. Of course, if you would rather not be identified that’s fine too, we can call you Anonymous, because hiding can be fun too, right?